Live Swing Band to Play at Friday Night Swing

After being hounded off and on for three years, Autumn has finally agreed to let local swing band The Midnight Sessions play at Friday Night Swing.

"They wouldn't leave me alone," Autumn said. "They started leaving strange packages on my doorstep. On Monday, the drummer left a series of weird messages on my answering machine, saying things like, 'You still have an answering machine? Ha ha!' Finally, I caved in. Against my wishes, they're playing at Friday Night Swing on March 6th."

"It's very unfair for Autumn to imply that we've been hounding him," said Emily Wade, the band's vocalist. "The fact of the matter is that Autumn has been harassing us -- showing up at our workplaces, leaving bizarre messages on our cell phones, giving our addresses to Mormon missionaries. After our restraining order against him failed to give us peace of mind, we agreed to his demands. So yes, we're playing against our will at Friday Night Swing on March 6th."

Who is telling the truth? Has Autumn been tormenting a local swing band? Have The Midnight Sessions been forcing swing-dancing venues to let them play? There is only one way for you to find out -- and that is to attend Friday Night Swing on March 6th.

The intermediate swing class starts at 7:30, with a beginning class at 8:15. Then dance all night to the slick rhythmns of the greatest swing band in the history of everything!

No Friday Night Swing on January 2

Autumn LaVarta has been spending the holiday season at his mountain cabin, clad in homey blue jeans, red turtleneck, and a cable-knit cardigan. It all sounds very lovely until you learn that he has been snowed in by the biggest winter storm in all of recorded history. To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you look at it), the only form of nourishment in his mountain cabin kitchen is an enormous bottle of tequila.

Yes, but what does this have to do with me? you are probably wondering. It means that there will be no Friday Night Swing on January 2, of course. But Autumn will soon be defrosted, so the party will be back with a vengeance on January 9.

Haiku Birthday, Autumn!

A wise man once said,
"Autumn LaVarta is like
The sea. Very old."


Please submit your Birthday haiku for Autumn by commenting on this post.

It's Fright-day Night Swing, Charlie Brown

Linus had promised Sally that the Great Pumpkin would rise out of the pumpkin patch--that he would fly through the air and bring toys to all the children of the world. But of course it never happened. Sally could have gone to Fright-day Night Swing! The fun is over and she missed it! Instead, she spent the night on a pumpkin patch and all that came was a beagle! Halloween hasn't fallen on a Friday in five years, and instead she spent all night sitting in a pumpkin patch! What a fool she was!

Don't be like Sally. Join us at Fright-day Night Swing for a Halloween dance party you won't soon forget. There'll be tricks, treats, and swing-dancing feet -- plus special guest Barack Obama (or is that just someone in an Obama costume). The pre-dance lesson will feature some frightfully fun Halloween-themed choreography. Costumes are encouraged!

Lucas: Celebrating Three Decades of Awesome

According to elders in the ancient Mayan civilization of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, Lucas' thirtieth birthday -- mid-September 2008 -- holds great significance for all of creation.

The Maya believed in a 26,000-year cycle composed of five sub-cycles and one red bicycle. Each of the five sub-cycles lasts 5,125 years and is considered to be its own World Age. The bicycle consists of a frame, handlebars, two wheels, and a banana seat. Sometimes called "The Time of Great Purification" or "The Shift of the Ages," our present cycle (3109 B.C. - 2008 A.D.) culminates on Lucas' thirtieth birthday.

"This makes Lucas a sort of religious icon," one woman told reporters late Wednesday. "Get out your galoshes and non-perishables -- the end of the world is nigh!"

Not so, according to Buford P. Snible, professor of something at Cut-Rate University. "Lucas' thirtieth birthday does not mark the End Times. Rather, it is on this date that one great cycle of Earth transitions to the next."

Total malarky? Pure pointlessness? A mountain of hogwash the likes of which the world has never seen? Perhaps. Will there be cake and a birthday jam, or will a plague of locusts descend upon lindy hoppers as they boogie to "Ain't That Love"? You'll have to come to Friday Night Swing to find out just what, exactly, Lucas' birthday has in store for civilization as we know it.

Friday Night Swing Regular Discovers New State

Tired of the hustle and bustle, the exorbitant cost of living, and his friends, Friday Night Swing regular Brad Dickson up and moved to the township of Missoula in July. According to wikipedia, Missoula is the county seat of Missoula County in Montana, which is a state. Locals get their news from the Missoulian, the Missoula Independent, and New West Missoula. At the time of this report, Brad had not yet chosen a favorite local newspaper.

A city dweller for many years, Brad had become disenchanted with Big City Living and was eager to spend some quality time in the great outdoors. Fortunately, it was difficult to find an apartment in Missoula, so for the first few weeks, Brad got to sleep under the stars -- in his car in the parking lot of a Best Buy.

"I slipped the security guard a sawbuck," Brad said. "And he pretty much left me alone after that until I found a place to live." (See picture of Brad's new digs.)

There is little local interest in swing dancing, but Brad has made numerous friends -- including a bison named Bucky, a grizzly named Grrrr, and a salmon named Twitchy -- and he reports that they are planning to open up a swing club in downtown Missoula.

"It won't be like Friday Night Swing," he said. "It will be a hell of a lot better. Not to be harsh or anything."

In addition to opening a swing venue, Brad will be one of 84 first-year students at the University of Missoula School of Law. He'll study Environmental Law with a focus on land use and water law.

Rumors that Brad is holding a carwash this weekend to raise money for a Greyhound ticket back to San Francisco are "greatly exaggerated," according to his publicist.

Brad, everyone at Friday Night Swing misses you and wishes you well on your adventure!

'Billy Elliot' Reviled by Swing Dancers

A recent poll on the Friday Night Swing blog revealed that the film Billy Elliot is universally detested by the lindy hop community. Set in the United Kingdom, the Oscar-nominated film tells the heartwarming story of an eleven-year-old boy -- the son of a boxing-obsessed coal miner -- who becomes a ballerina. Billy Elliot the Musical, which made its stage debut at the West End in London in 2005, is probably also hated by swing dancers.

The favorite dance films among those polled were Footloose, Saturday Night Fever, and Singin' in the Rain -- each of which pulled in 20% of the total votes.

"I never even saw Billy Elliot," one swing dancer defensively told reporters.

Other poll participants declined to be interviewed. The producers of Billy Elliot are expected to make a statement on Monday morning.