Friday Night Swing Regular Discovers New State

Tired of the hustle and bustle, the exorbitant cost of living, and his friends, Friday Night Swing regular Brad Dickson up and moved to the township of Missoula in July. According to wikipedia, Missoula is the county seat of Missoula County in Montana, which is a state. Locals get their news from the Missoulian, the Missoula Independent, and New West Missoula. At the time of this report, Brad had not yet chosen a favorite local newspaper.

A city dweller for many years, Brad had become disenchanted with Big City Living and was eager to spend some quality time in the great outdoors. Fortunately, it was difficult to find an apartment in Missoula, so for the first few weeks, Brad got to sleep under the stars -- in his car in the parking lot of a Best Buy.

"I slipped the security guard a sawbuck," Brad said. "And he pretty much left me alone after that until I found a place to live." (See picture of Brad's new digs.)

There is little local interest in swing dancing, but Brad has made numerous friends -- including a bison named Bucky, a grizzly named Grrrr, and a salmon named Twitchy -- and he reports that they are planning to open up a swing club in downtown Missoula.

"It won't be like Friday Night Swing," he said. "It will be a hell of a lot better. Not to be harsh or anything."

In addition to opening a swing venue, Brad will be one of 84 first-year students at the University of Missoula School of Law. He'll study Environmental Law with a focus on land use and water law.

Rumors that Brad is holding a carwash this weekend to raise money for a Greyhound ticket back to San Francisco are "greatly exaggerated," according to his publicist.

Brad, everyone at Friday Night Swing misses you and wishes you well on your adventure!

'Billy Elliot' Reviled by Swing Dancers

A recent poll on the Friday Night Swing blog revealed that the film Billy Elliot is universally detested by the lindy hop community. Set in the United Kingdom, the Oscar-nominated film tells the heartwarming story of an eleven-year-old boy -- the son of a boxing-obsessed coal miner -- who becomes a ballerina. Billy Elliot the Musical, which made its stage debut at the West End in London in 2005, is probably also hated by swing dancers.

The favorite dance films among those polled were Footloose, Saturday Night Fever, and Singin' in the Rain -- each of which pulled in 20% of the total votes.

"I never even saw Billy Elliot," one swing dancer defensively told reporters.

Other poll participants declined to be interviewed. The producers of Billy Elliot are expected to make a statement on Monday morning.

Friday Night Swing Unveils Rubik's Cube

In an effort to sell its soul to the world of mass merchandising, Friday Night Swing has introduced the first-ever Rubik's Cube with a Friday Night Swing theme.

The cube is now available at retailers nationwide, with international sales set to begin in September.

The standard-sized cube consists of six faces, each with a sticker depicting 1/9 of a photograph of the Friday Night Swing poster. A pivot mechanism allows each face to turn, which mixes up the picture and causes frustration to the person holding the cube. Agitation leads the person to further mix up the picture, making it impossible to solve.

"Don't move anything and you'll be fine," Autumn suggested at today's press conference. "Just take it out of the box and leave it like it is."

As the popularity of its standard-sized cube grows, Friday Night Swing plans to unveil the mind-bending puzzles in other versions, including the Pocket Cube (2x2x2), the Master Cube (4x4x4), and the Professor's Cube (5x5x5).

According to Autumn, cubes with different Friday Night Swing images are also in the works, but when pressed by journalists, he would not reveal whether or not a future version of the cube would feature a close-up of his face.

Congratulations, Glenn and Dawn!

Glenn's spokesperson has confirmed reports that the San Francisco lindy hopper, whose performance in Cheek to Cheek's Pink Panther routine inspired millions of people to take up swing dancing, married Dawn on July 5th.

The ceremony took place on the Presidio and was followed by a reception at the Officer's Club. After dinner, Friday Night Swing's own Autumn LaVarta, along with Jane Fields, led the newlyweds' family and friends in a swing lesson to prepare them for a night of dancing to live music by the Royal Society Jazz Orchestra.

"I nearly broke my ankle," one guest was overheard saying. "But it was so much fun, I didn't care!"

While Glenn's spokesperson confirmed that the wedding took place, she laughed off rumors that the cast of ABC's Grey's Anatomy attended the ceremony.

"Glenn and Dawn have never even met the cast of Grey's Anatomy," she said. "In fact, I don't know if they've ever seen the show. That rumor is completely absurd and 100% false."

Controversy aside, be sure to congratulate the newlyweds next time you see them!

This Week Only: FNS Moves to Thursday Night at Le Colonial

Do you even know what happened on July 4th in 1776? If you're like many Americans, you probably think it has something to do with the adoption of the United States Declaration of Independence, declaring our independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.

Well, you are sort of correct. Drafted by lindy hop enthusiast Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence actually declares that swing dancing is the awesomest dance ever. The following excerpt from this monumental document nearly makes you weep:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all dance genres are not created equal, that swing dancing, and in particular the lindy hop, is endowed by its Creators with certain unalienable awesomeness, that among these are swing-outs, swivels, and the pursuit of stylistic flourishes.--That to secure this awesomeness, Friday Night Swing was instituted among men and women, deriving its just powers from the consent of the dancers who gather there."

To celebrate the 232nd anniversay of this momentous day in our nation's history, Friday Night Swing is cancelled this week. Go watch your fireworks and eat your potato salad, okay?

But wait -- there's more! Friday Night Swing will be held informally on Thursday, July 3, from 7-10pm at Le Colonial. You'll do what you do best -- boogie, that is -- to live music from the Martini Brothers Band and deejayed tunes from Hep Jen. Thomas Jefferson and several of his founding-father buddies will return from the dead for one last swing-dancing bash, so don't miss out on the fun!

Friday Night Swing Wins National Award

Not a single jaw dropped in the entire auditorium when Friday Night Swing was announced the winner of a prestigious national award for excellence and outstanding superiority. The ceremony, hosted by Al Pacino (Any Given Sunday, Devil's Advocate), was held at the Legion of Honor in San Francisco's Presidio.

"The nominees," said presenter George Lopez to an audience that included Brad Pitt, shamed New York governor Eliot Spitzer, and the ghost of King Lear, "are Silly Putty, Pixar films, carbohydrates, Friday Night Swing, and books by George Saunders." Lopez opened the envelope and feigned a look of surprise. "The winner is Friday Night Swing!"

Autumn LaVarta, who attended with an adoring Jessica Alba, accepted the award on his own behalf, saying, "I knew Friday Night Swing was better than Silly Putty -- but better than carbs? I'm humbled. Thank you to everyone who makes Friday Night Swing possible, which is mostly me!"

Jane Turns 30, Reveals Secret Past

For many people, turning 30 is a time to reconcile with one's past and make plans for the future. This milestone birthday has been known to cause people to make jaw-dropping confessions to their loved ones -- secrets ranging from being an FBI agent trapped in the body of a postal worker to having a meth lab in the basement. But no 30th-birthday confession has ever been as shocking as the one to which you are about to bear witness.

Yes, after plumbing the depths of her soul, Jane has confessed to being one of the original cast members of TV's long-running sitcom The Brady Bunch.


Few people know that there was never intended to be a "Greg Brady." The original eldest son of Mike Brady was not a son at all -- she was a daughter named Greta, played by our very own Jane. According to scripts obtained from a high-security vault, the lyrics to the second verse of the infamous theme song originally went like this: It's the story of a man named Brady who was busy with three kids of his own. They were three men and a little lady, but they were all alone.

After just one episode -- in which Jane's character Greta is kicked out of a ballet recital for being too clumsy and then takes up tap dancing, only to annoy her whole family while practicing her new tap moves at home -- the creator, Sherwood Schwartz, determined that Jane was "far too modern" for the show, and that she seemed to have "come from the future." He tore up her contract and hired Barry Williams to take her place -- not as Greta, but as Greg.

"I'm glad this is finally out in the open," Jane told a crowd of onlookers. "Unburdening myself of this double life is my birthday present to myself."

(Please join us in wishing Jane the very happiest of 30th birthdays!)