Adam Lambert Invited to Friday Night Swing

Adam Lambert, the American Idol contestant and gender-bending hearththrob with a falsetto that would send a tear of joy down the cheek of Kim Jong Il, is a hot topic in the San Francisco lindy scene.

In our recent scientific poll, asking visitors whom they'd rather swing dance with, Lambert received the highest number of votes.

"He received twice as many votes as Hulk Hogan," said a source close to the FNS blog. "It was a landslide."

Some critics are saying that the sample was not large enough to be scientifically viable.

"There were only seven votes altogether," said associate professor of statistics Buzz McKill. "And actually, Lambert's two votes puts him in a three-way tie with Jon Stewart and Pope Benedict the XVI. So the whole thing is kind of dumb."

"The swing-dancing community has spoken," said the anonymous FNS source. "They were given four choices, and Lambert emerged as a clear winner."

On the heels of this historic win, Mr. Lambert has been invited to attend Friday Night Swing free of charge. The value of this prize package is $14 if he attends the lesson before the party, which he is encouraged to do.

Bandit Steals Hearts at Friday Night Swing

There's a new swing dancer in town, people, and his name is Bandit. A one-time motorcycle enthusiast whose owner could no longer take care of him, Bandit was adopted by Jack, a Cheryl Burke regular with a weakness for homeless puppies. Predictably, Jack now goes by "Smokey."

After only ten days in his new home, the eight-week-old lab/shepherd mix has been transformed into the youngest -- and cutest -- lindyhopper on record, ever, in the history and future of everything, both written and unwritten.

"I was scared to dance at first," he woofed. "I thought I had four left paws! But once I hit the floor, it became clear that I was born to dance...right into your hearts."

Live Music Returns April 24th

The news that the Midnight Sessions will be returning to Friday Night Swing on April 24 has taken the blogosphere by storm. Just hours after Autumn LaVarta made the official announcement via his chat status message last week, the news had been picked up by every blog of note and all of the major news networks.

The Huffington Post, Boing Boing, and Perez Hilton immediately pounced on the announcement, each one claiming to have broken the news first.

"We haven't heard of the Midnight Sessions," said a spokesperson for The Huffington Post, apparently trying to distance the hugely popular blog from the controversy. "We're sure they're quite good, but we have made no mention of them on our site. We wish them, and Friday Night Swing, all the best."

Spokespeople for Boing Boing and Perez Hilton had not returned our calls as of press time.

CNN's Anderson Cooper will be airing a 60-minute investigative report on the Midnight Sessions upcoming stint at Friday Night Swing on tomorrow night's Anderson Cooper 360°. The special -- called The Midnight Sessions and Friday Night Swing: Smashdown to the Armageddon? -- is expected to be Cooper's most-watched show and is the odds-on favorite to dominate next year's Peabody Awards.

"The implication that we're doing a show on the Midnight Sessions playing at Friday Night Swing is preposterous," said one of Cooper's executive producers. "I haven't even been interviewed about this. Everything I'm being quoted as saying right now is entirely fabricated."

The bottom line? You would have to be completely out of your mind to miss the Midnight Sessions playing their sweet swing tunes live at Friday Night Swing on April 24th. Any swing band capable of generating this level of buzz and controversy -- collectively known as "buzztroversy" -- is not to be missed!

And that's the truthiness.

Live Swing Band to Play at Friday Night Swing

After being hounded off and on for three years, Autumn has finally agreed to let local swing band The Midnight Sessions play at Friday Night Swing.

"They wouldn't leave me alone," Autumn said. "They started leaving strange packages on my doorstep. On Monday, the drummer left a series of weird messages on my answering machine, saying things like, 'You still have an answering machine? Ha ha!' Finally, I caved in. Against my wishes, they're playing at Friday Night Swing on March 6th."

"It's very unfair for Autumn to imply that we've been hounding him," said Emily Wade, the band's vocalist. "The fact of the matter is that Autumn has been harassing us -- showing up at our workplaces, leaving bizarre messages on our cell phones, giving our addresses to Mormon missionaries. After our restraining order against him failed to give us peace of mind, we agreed to his demands. So yes, we're playing against our will at Friday Night Swing on March 6th."

Who is telling the truth? Has Autumn been tormenting a local swing band? Have The Midnight Sessions been forcing swing-dancing venues to let them play? There is only one way for you to find out -- and that is to attend Friday Night Swing on March 6th.

The intermediate swing class starts at 7:30, with a beginning class at 8:15. Then dance all night to the slick rhythmns of the greatest swing band in the history of everything!

No Friday Night Swing on January 2

Autumn LaVarta has been spending the holiday season at his mountain cabin, clad in homey blue jeans, red turtleneck, and a cable-knit cardigan. It all sounds very lovely until you learn that he has been snowed in by the biggest winter storm in all of recorded history. To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you look at it), the only form of nourishment in his mountain cabin kitchen is an enormous bottle of tequila.

Yes, but what does this have to do with me? you are probably wondering. It means that there will be no Friday Night Swing on January 2, of course. But Autumn will soon be defrosted, so the party will be back with a vengeance on January 9.

Haiku Birthday, Autumn!

A wise man once said,
"Autumn LaVarta is like
The sea. Very old."


Please submit your Birthday haiku for Autumn by commenting on this post.

It's Fright-day Night Swing, Charlie Brown

Linus had promised Sally that the Great Pumpkin would rise out of the pumpkin patch--that he would fly through the air and bring toys to all the children of the world. But of course it never happened. Sally could have gone to Fright-day Night Swing! The fun is over and she missed it! Instead, she spent the night on a pumpkin patch and all that came was a beagle! Halloween hasn't fallen on a Friday in five years, and instead she spent all night sitting in a pumpkin patch! What a fool she was!

Don't be like Sally. Join us at Fright-day Night Swing for a Halloween dance party you won't soon forget. There'll be tricks, treats, and swing-dancing feet -- plus special guest Barack Obama (or is that just someone in an Obama costume). The pre-dance lesson will feature some frightfully fun Halloween-themed choreography. Costumes are encouraged!